Christmas, New Years, and the Earthquake

Hello everyone.  I know by now most everyone knows that we are okay here in Haiti.  We did feel the earthquake and it lasted a long time.  We have felt several aftershocks since then.  There does not appear to be structural damage to our buildings.  Our children are okay, but they are heartbroken by what has happened to the people in their country.  I have shown them pictures so they are aware of the reality of the situation.  As you know, the worst is in Port-Au-Prince.  We have several staff that have left to go there, trying to find mothers, fathers, children, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.  A few of them have returned.  One young man that I have known for years came back today letting me know his family is alive, but some of his friends had died.  He said, "Mami Karris, I have never in my life seen anything like that..."  He said he had to step over dead bodies as he walked the streets.  He saw limbs and body parts.  He also saw people sitting and praying and singing to Jesus.

Perhaps one of the saddest pictures and video I saw was today.  Dumpsters, full of bodies, being dumped into a mass grave.  I don't have words to describe what I feel...just tears.  I want to know their name.  I want to know who they are.  I want to know if they have children.  I want to know their last words.  I want to know if they knew Jesus before they died.  I have always known that God knows our name and that He knows every single hair that is on our head.  That knowledge has become even more of a reality to me over the past few days.

Words cannot express the overwhelming love that I feel for the hundreds of Facebook comments, messages, wall posts, and emails.  People from elementary school and middle school and people from high school that I have not spoken to in years have contacted me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Thank you for your prayers for the Haitian people.  I will try to respond to everyone...one day.

I am grateful that we are safe, but I am heartbroken.  I moved to Haiti on September 9th, 2002, and have seen so much suffering, but have seen the amazing strength of these people.  The events of the past few days have been almost unimaginable.   They suffered before, but now this?  One verse that I keep hearing over and over again in my heart is from Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those that are crushed in spirit."

Usually in times like this, there are questions.  I have them as well, but I am not God and I know I will never know the answers.  One thing I do know is that I trust God more today than I did since the tragedy hit.  I love Him more today than I did 3 days ago.  Over the past few years, I have thanked God hundreds of times, maybe thousands, for the privilege of meeting people who will NEVER make the news headlines...those who suffer silently.  The day BEFORE the earthquake hit, I was checking the news headlines on my Blackberry and they were about the NBC late night show saga and UT football drama and I thought, "Really?"  Thousands of people in the world are suffering, dying, and starving.  Thousands of inspiring stories and this makes news headlines?  The world is suffering (Haiti, America, and the list goes on and on) and the media is writing articles about who is wearing what to the Golden Globes??!!!  I am going to stop there because, well, I just will.

I hope and pray as the weeks pass, Haiti continues to stay in people's minds.  I am thankful in a bittersweet way that there is a face to suffering that is shown all around the world.   Although the pictures being shown in media are graphic, they need to be shown.  Our hearts need to be broken.  Not just for a few days.  Not just for a few weeks.  Not just until the next tragedy hits.  But, our hearts need to become broken forever.  I pray that suffering people stay in people's minds.  I pray that life does not get back to "normal" for you and for me.

I am thankful to the countries around the world that have offered help.  Seeing the pictures of the planes landing and different nationalities helping has brought me to tears.  I have always been proud to be an American, but now I am even more so.  President Obama's words the other day touched my heart and made me so grateful for him and our country.  He said it best when he said this:

   "Finally, I want to speak directly to the people of Haiti. Few in the world have endured the hardships that you have known. Long before this tragedy, daily life itself was often a bitter struggle. And after suffering so much for so long, to face this new horror must cause some to look up and ask, have we somehow been forsaken?

To the people of Haiti, we say clearly, and with conviction, you will not be forsaken; you will not be forgotten. In this, your hour of greatest need, America stands with you. The world stands with you. We know that you are a strong and resilient people. You have endured a history of slavery and struggle, of natural disaster and recovery. And through it all, your spirit has been unbroken and your faith has been unwavering. So today, you must know that help is arriving -- much, much more help is on the way."

 
On another note, I try to spend every New Years spending some time alone, reflecting on the past year and the year ahead.  I had a wonderful Christmas here in Haiti and below are some pictures.  On January 1st of this year, just a few weeks ago, I sat down to write my thoughts.  I meant to  post it on my blog and got really busy and then the earthquake hit.  If you scroll down, you will see what I wrote.  Thank you once again for taking the time to read this blog and I will try to keep everyone posted as often as I can.  

         

      

             

(The part below was written on January 1st, 2010)

I have been sitting here, staring at my computer, for 5 minutes, wondering where to start this.  As I write this, I am crying, simply because I cannot begin to express my sincere gratitude to God for allowing me to live this life.   The longer you have been a part of something, 2 things can happen.  Either your heart drifts or it becomes more attached.  The latter has happened to me. 

I see God everywhere.  I see Him when I look at our property that used to be a field where cattle and cactus stood.  Today, on that property, we have a church, school, cafeteria, boy’s home, and a playground.  I don’t see buildings, but God. I see Him when I look into the face of people that are suffering.  I see Him when I walk through the village.  I see Him when I see our children laughing.   I see Him when I am in my office, working on receipts; in complete awe of how there always seems to be enough to pay the bills, pay the staff, pay for construction supplies and labor for our new children's hospital, and continue to do what we do. 

Last night, our church had a service that lasted until midnight.  We were singing a song in Creole that many of you might know. 

“There is none like You... No one else can touch my heart like You do…I can search for all eternity, Lord, and find there is none like you.” 

The words are simple, yet so profound.  The longer I am in Haiti, the more suffering I see.  The more injustice I see.  Yet, I am able to say that there is truly none like Him.  No one, no thing, no person, has touched my life the way He has.  I see lives that have been changed.   In 2002, when I came to visit for one week, Jocelyn, a 8 year old boy, was basically a street child.  Later that year, he came to live in the orphanage.  Now he is 16 years old and just a week ago, at our Christmas party for the children, he got up to sing a song and then started to worship God.  Our party turned into a full out worship service, with the presence of God so strong.  

When I look back at 2009, I see things I could have done better.   I grew in a lot of areas, yet failed in several.   I was thinking on New Years’ Eve about how 10 years ago, I would have never imagined I would be where I am and who I am in 2009.  I had my life planned and I was certain God would work according to my plan since I was serving Him.   My journals prove it and are quite funny now as I go back and read them.  I was going to graduate high school, go to college, get married, have children, then be a missionary.  In Proverbs 16:9, it says, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”  Obviously, God had other plans and decided to work in the reverse order and I am so glad He did.  He has been my strength, my provider (emotionally and financially!),  my comfort, and the list goes on and on.  

I know there might be people that read this that do not feel the same way.   You might believe in God or you might not.  I know many of you have had a difficult year , whether it was due to losing a family member or a child.  Some of you have lost your job.  Some have been through a divorce.   You might not see God in your suffering.  You might not sense His presence.  Please know that you are in my prayers and thoughts often.