One night in March

Throughout the past several weeks, I have sat down at my computer so many times, wanting to write…starting to write…a few sentences come and I press delete. I write a paragraph and then delete it. Other times I just fall asleep out of exhaustion. There are so many times where I want to communicate my heart, share stories, tell about God’s amazing provision, but I want it to be the right words…the right timing…and nothing about me.  I am terrified of writing something that glorifies me and does not bring honor to the Lord.  He must become greater; I must become less seems to be the resounding words in my mind and heart lately.  That is the cry of my heart, but so many times my life does not show it.  To so many people, I or “we” who live down here are heroes or angels, but it is just our calling. It is an odd feeling when you know you are far from perfect...or far from hero or angel status.  I fail at pleasing the Lord. I fail at spending the time I should with Him.  I get tired. I get frustrated. I get irritable. I get overwhelmed.  But as I sit here typing, tears are flowing and I am overwhelmed at who Jesus is.  I am overwhelmed thinking of how much He loves me.  He loved me enough to not give me my desires when I wanted them, but put His desires in me. I am overwhelmed by His grace. His grace when I am tired. His grace when I am frustrated. His grace when I am irritable. His grace when I am overwhelmed.  His grace when I am just plain sad waiting for His promises to come to pass.  Even though I don’t understand it all, I choose to trust Him and that is the beauty of having a relationship with Him.

Compassion is a powerful thing.  It can change the destiny of a person.  When Jesus was moved with compassion, he did something. He was not moved by compassion every time he saw a need, but only certain times. During those times, He didn't just feel bad for them, pray for them, and then go to church, attend Bible Study, and hang out with the disciples.  He acted.

"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed or helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." (Matthew 9:36)

"I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me for three days and have nothing to eat." "(Mark 8:2)

"...I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." (Romans 9:14)

A few weeks ago, it was late at night and I had just put our little boys to bed.  I turned the generator off and started to lock everything up. I was really tired. My phone rang and it was our security guard. “Mami Karris, there is a lady and man here who have a sick child. Can you come down?”, he said in Creole. Out of all honesty, I did not want to.  One more person...one more problem…one more need.  I asked him a couple more questions and he said “The lady says that you know her because you used to go and visit their family to bring food. They are holding a child who is burned.”  The word “burned” caused me to get enough strength to say “I will be right there.” 

I went downstairs and walked towards our gate and recognized the lady.  Most people in Haiti are poor, but this lady was beyond poor. I used to visit her and her family in their mud hut every week when we went to do children’s outreaches.  She was usually working in the market and the children were taking care of the babies.  As I got closer to the lady, my heart broke.  She was holding her 2 year old granddaughter, Fanfan, who was wrapped in a towel. The little girl had burns all over her body.  I was filled with compassion to the point of physically hurting.  Even our construction workers who are tough men had tears in their eyes.  A few days before, the mother was cooking on a charcoal stove as Fanfan was sitting on the dirt ground. The mother turned around for a second and the pot of boiling water fell on her.  In the process of trying to save her daughter, the mother was burned as well.  The family told me they went to a local clinic and when there was nothing else they could do, they were sent back home.  There is no such thing as a burn unit in our town.

So I sat on the bench, using the light from my cell phone to look carefully at the little girl.  She had no expression at all…she didn’t cry, just stared.  I told them to come back the next morning and be prepared to go to Port-au-Prince.  The next morning, I began to email some of my doctor friends. One of them, Dr. Henri Ford, a Haitian born doctor who lives and works in Los Angeles. is one of the busiest men I know, but always responds within minutes when I email him a picture of a child.  I was able to get some advice on what to do.  I called MAF (Missionary Aviation Fellowship) to see if they could fly to our local airstrip that day to take the family to Port-au-Prince.   The lady told me “God must have been saving today for that family because we have nothing scheduled and can be there within a couple of hours.”  Literally, in a matter of an hour, everything was arranged. A donor offered to pay for the MAF flight.  One of our missionaries, Bill, was able to find burn cream in our clinic and help relieve some of the pain the little girl and her mother had. We wrapped Fanfan in blankets and got in our truck and went to the airstrip.  MAF had arranged someone to meet the family in Port-au-Prince and take them to the Doctors without Borders hospital.  

The burns were extremely severe and her chance at survival was very poor, but I was more concerned with helping to relieve her pain and making sure her parents knew everything was being done to save the life of their baby girl. One week after being admitted to the hospital, the grandmother came to the property to tell me she passed away at 3 a.m. that morning.  

It was several weeks before I saw the family again.  Two weeks ago,  I was heading out of our property and noticed Fanfan's parents sitting under our mango tree. They had walked several miles to come and visit us to say thank you. Their countenance was SO different from the first time I saw them.  Although they missed their daughter, they were relieved she was no longer suffering.  I asked them about the last 2 weeks of her life and how it was in the hospital.  They said in Creole, “The people there treated us so well.” I gave them a hug and walked out of the property and began to think about how simple yet powerful their statement was and how powerful one act of compassion can be.  I am so glad I went downstairs that night when I really did not want to and I am even more glad that the last 2 weeks of her life, the mom, dad, and little girl were treated well.

Over the years of being in Haiti, I have been learning the beauty of compassion. I get stopped daily, sometimes hourly, with people who need something…medicine, clothes, food…you name it.  They are legitimate needs, but I am not called to help everyone. You are not either. But I/we are called to help those who God puts in front of us and whether we like to believe it or not, we will be held accountable if we do nothing.

I probably wrote this blog just for myself just to be reminded of how my actions are directly linked to someone’s destiny. I am going to ask God to give me a heart of compassion. I am going to ask Him to keep me sensitive to others even in the midst of this busy crazy life. The “others” might be a child who needs a band aide for no reason other than he needs attention or it might be a teenager or young adult who needs a mentor or it might be someone else who is struggling on the inside but you would never guess it.  I encourage you to ask God the same things I am asking of Him and continue to open your eyes to those around you.  He might ask you to reach out one night when you are tired and just aren't in the mood, but I promise it will make all the difference.......

                             "He must become greater; I must become less."

                                                         John 3:30